So you might have noticed that I was 2 months not online on my blog, or my network.
As some might know, I am a married men, and I am also a full time Farmer. Yeah… Some people even know I dont do the work myself, I have workers for this. They work for a salary like I work for mines.

Anyway, in October my Wife told me she was expecting a little newcomer in our family. As happy I was, I was more then motivated to give my Sun or Daughter a nice home, a place to feel safe and at home. In the month October I was to busy reading forums for New Dads, and trying to read up on many sites to find out what was  coming to me, responsible husband for his wife and everything around it…. I was worried, but the worry made place for acceptance. YES, I am ready to become father.

The month November was not so great. It started with a bad dream on my side. And that same day complications came knocking on my wife`s door. Slightly Panic… Worries…. And then the bad news from our Doctor.

Our Baby is in trouble, and the pregnancy needs to be terminated. 1 Week later we look back together to those 2 months of joy, making plans, growing together closer…… It is all a black hole now. A empty space. Silenced conversations, evenings in darkness.

Emotions come and go. And then it is my job to take my wife her hands, and make sure she does not sink deeper in a black hole she was digging for herself.

I have learned one important thing. You are not able to help your partner if your not able to help yourself first. I have a speed course in expecting life and saying goodbey to it now. It toke me 2 days to put the last 2  months in perspective and deal with it. Thanks to my already hard previous life, I am better able to deal with disaster moments. I survived more then many of you dare to think, keeping this in front of my eye, solving emotional issues is more a challenge for me now. After Day 2 I was able to tell me wife excact what she needed to hear. And as lightning in a sunny sky she switched that button and was on my side.

I consider that If I would have told this sooner she might have doubted my words. I had to confinse my wife I was also suffering. She was only thinking she was alone in this. And suffering together makes it go away faster is what I have learned in my life, and on that way I saved my wife, and myself.

2 months I needed to deal with changes and rewinding changes. The December month has started a 4 days now, tomorrow it is 5 December in Holland. Sinterklaas is coming. To all Dutch readers, Geniet van de heilige man nu het nog kan.

TJ…